Keep Active No Matter What!

#FitnessFriday #Exerciseandthingsphysical #resilience #bounceback

If you know me at all, you know that my go to fitness routine will involve running.

However not everyone likes running or even likes a formal workout!

While it is better to have a basic fitness routine for cardio benefits and for strength training, any activity is better than none.

My mum, who is 75 years old but looks younger than 57, is active. She keeps moving all day on most days.

At one time, her glucose levels were high and she was having difficulty controlling it. Additionally, her tummy was getting a bit bigger than she would have liked it to be.

I tried coaxing her to take up walking, after all she had bought a pair of walking shoes that had not been used for… let’s just say ever since she bought them.

She eventually caved in to my nagging and set out with me one day. My mum was definitely not in her comfort zone. I had never seen her look more vulnerable than on that day and after that, I never brought up the subject again. Of course, she never ventured out to walk again.

However, she does keep active at home. We have stairs inside and she moves from upstairs to downstairs regularly! She hangs clothes outside on the clothes lines and runs out to take them up at the first sign of rain! At 75, that is admirable.

In her way, she keeps active.

Don’t ever let anything or anyone keep you from doing any type of activity. The idea is that you keep moving to keep your body and your mind functioning properly.

Sometimes, we are afraid to start doing some activity because we might not do it well, we may not be successful, others may laugh at us or any number of other reasons. It can even be our previous experiences that keep us from trying new things.

This can box us into a little cubbyhole and keep us from achieving our goals, which could be anything from an academic certificate to a well toned body.

In my case, I could have allowed fear to prevent me from running on the road ever again; fear of crime and the crime situation in our country. I would have missed out on a lot of free therapy had I not started back running.

Although I have continued to run, it is a constant battle with myself to get out there and do it.

There are times I lose the fight and stay at home, eating chocolates, cake and other great stuff that does me no good physically.  I have even opted to stay at home to look at movies because it feels like too much effort to face the road.

I struggle with this constantly, even though I love running so much. The good thing is that I never ever give up. As difficult as it gets sometimes, I push to keep going.

Don’t let fear hold you back from doing the things that need to be done.

Whatever you do make sure you enjoy doing and are comfortable doing it.

Your overall well-being and health is dependent on:
* getting enough exercise in whatever form we have a preference, ensuring we do aerobic as well as resistance exercises
* proper diet
*proper hydration
*supplementing the diet
*rest and sleep
*fasting occasionally
*reducing sugar, caffeine, processed foods and alcohol in the diet

Make time to look after your physical health and you will see the added benefits to your mental and emotional health.

#eatright #supplementsindiet #vitamins #minerals

Seven Good Reasons for Setting Goals

Back in 2012 I had a new Form Class, a bunch of high-energy, lovable Form Four students, ranging in age from 14 to 16 years old. These kids needed direction and guidance to maximize their capacities.

I used to read for them every morning from a small book on Goal Setting, after which we would discuss why it was important. Of course the discussions were always vibrant although they seemed to be on the brink of falling asleep as I read.

When I was trying to re-define myself after the 2013 incident, I appreciated the importance of goal setting even more than I had before. My time frames were significantly smaller now: I was close to fifty and trying to start rebuilding a life. At the same time, things that seemed monumental and important before diminished in stature in the shadow of the great hurdle I had just surmounted. So I was in a rush but no longer believed in rushing. What a dilemma!

To reduce the feeling of overwhelm when I set out to launch my first book, I set goals for every stage of the publishing process. I had a deadline for finishing the actual writing, for the editing, for submission of the manuscript, for reviewing/proofing, for book covers, and for the launch.

Did I stick rigidly to every deadline? Of course not. That would have been impractical. The idea was to have the deadlines or goals to help guide the process with the least amount of stress and worry, to eliminate the feeling of overwhelm.

So how does setting goals help you to achieve objectives?

Seven good reasons for setting goals are:

1. You have a clear idea of where you want to get to or what you want to be or do.
2. You develop a plan or system for getting things done.
3. You can focus on activities that will be useful to achieving your purpose.
4. You can eliminate activities, things or, sad to say but true, people that distract you from your purpose.
5. You can slip up but still get back on track easily to accomplish whatever you want.
6. You can acquire the things that will help you to achieve.
7. You can fill your circle with supportive persons.

Edwin Locke proposed a Goal Setting Theory in the 1960s. This theory addressed motivation and stated that the achievement of specific and challenging goals coupled with appropriate feedback led to better task performance.

Essentially it stated that having clear, specific and challenging goals on the job is a great motivator for getting things done. It provides a means of developing self-efficiency which in turn prompts greater effort for more demanding tasks. There appears to be a greater chance of completing a job if goals are set as this seems to result in goal commitment.

In other words, there are some basic principles involved in goal setting that assist in getting things done.

There are many proponents for SMART Goals.

The acronym SMART has several slightly different variations, which can be used to provide a more comprehensive definition of goal setting: 

S – specific, significant, stretching

M – measurable, meaningful, motivational

A – agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-oriented

R – realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-oriented

T – time-based, time-bound, timely, tangible, trackable

This broader definition will help you to be successful in both your business and personal life.

When you next run a project take a moment to consider whether your goals are SMART goals.

Another important point to keep in mind is that we need to set goals for every aspect of our lives. We can do this by noting what we want to achieve personally in terms of a relationship, family, a home, a car, academic qualifications, a career and a hobby for example.

These would be long term goals. The next step would be to break them down into a series of smaller tasks that must be completed to accomplish the final goal. These could be medium or short term goals. The short term goals can then be broken down into many smaller parts called action steps that can be taken daily to accomplish each short term goal.

As we cross off action steps and short and medium goals, along with feedback from self and others, we become motivated and encouraged to continue with completing the ultimate long term goals. That feeling of satisfaction as little steps are crossed off acts like a boost to keep us going.

What I have learnt along the course of my life is that before we can fully achieve any objective though, we need to do self-assessments. We need to know what we have already, what we don’t have, what can be used to help us and what can hold us back from accomplishing as we should. This is a SWOT analysis of self to determine strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats.

In these turbulent times it is easy to overlook doing this as many other things appear more urgent. It may seem unnecessary to do such a self-analysis but the benefit of doing it is tremendous.

The GAMESHIFTER covers all of this and more in the first letter/chapter. The book, Bounce Back Better can be optimized by using it in conjunction with the accompanying handbook (still to be published) along with a group session.

But in the meantime, remember to set your goals for the new year that is just around the corner.

References:

https://www.managementstudyguide.com/goal-setting-theory-motivation.htm

What is Goal-Setting Theory?

7 Steps for Lifelong learning

The battles that count are the invisible ones inside all of us.

Many of us face battles everyday. Not the battles we see in the movies or have read about in history books.

Instead we face battles of internal conflict, depression, anxiety and the need to move from where we are to where we feel we want or need to be.

Of course, sometimes these battles require more resources to overcome than we already have. What this means is that in some cases, we need to seek professional help, medical or psychological therapy.

If however, we are able to manage our battles without professional assistance, then there are things we can do on our own to combat them and earn victory.

I am sharing with you today seven ways in which you can take control of the reins and steer your life in the direction you want it to move by indulging in continuous learning.

Step 1           Engage yourself in activities

By occupying yourself in productive, creative or positive activities, you can counteract the internal emptiness that accompanies frustration, loneliness, sadness or any other struggle.

This works by not giving your brain the time to indulge in those negative feelings. While the feelings do not necessarily go away, they are temporarily shelved until moments of weakness, and eventually may even just drift into nothingness.

Be careful though that the activities are in fact uplifting and do not require you to focus too much on yourself and your feelings.

Step 2           Take up a challenge

Challenge here is not the Facebook challenges that become viral. No, this is a personal challenge. Something that you probably always wanted to do but never made the time for it. Or perhaps it is something you felt you could never do.

This could mean going on a hike. I recommend a hike to Mermaid Pool in Trinidad. It could be learning to dance; this is a real challenge for me, I simply do not dance. There are numerous dance classes offered throughout our tiny island as I am sure there are throughout the world.

Here in Trinidad, Latin dance is very popular, as is Zumba. Two great forms of recreation and exercise, neither of which I have really given a go. Maybe one of these days I will join a class.

Step 3          Learn a new skill

The job market is in dire need of skilled individuals. Persons who can do tiling, plumbing, construction work, sewing, make up and the list goes on.

You can enroll in a class to learn or go along with an expert as an apprentice. Becoming skillful in a new field, even if not expert at it, helps to build confidence. This in turn helps you to move past the battles that we spoke about.

With every new technique learnt, comes a sense of accomplishment.

But more importantly, it positions you more highly on the job market. You now have acquired something of value that can be monetized if you so choose.

Be aware of your limitations and your passions. Do what you will want to pursue without giving up. Don’t undertake a mission that makes you feel that you are incapable and that you may want to quit before completing.

Step 4          Do a short course

Engaging the brain in other activities could include doing short courses such as journal writing, book writing, how to do taxes, landscaping, accounting, learning a foreign language or so many other options.

You are not too old or too young to do a short course. The benefits are that you focus on the learning and gain a certificate of completion or participation at the end. It can help to make you more marketable as well and of course you can be more self-reliant.

Don’t limit yourself to one type of course. Spread out your learning. Take up different types of courses. Keep enrolling and learning.

Step 5           Adopt a new hobby

Yes, this is a good one. Go and start doing something you love that is not for income generation but just for fun.

I like to run so that is what I do on evenings or some mornings. Truth is that as I have gotten older, I find it a little more difficult to get up on mornings early enough to run before it gets too hot. Regardless of when I run, I do run.

You can start so many different hobbies. I prefer those that involve some form of physical activity, such as cycling, swimming, gardening… But it can be reading, painting, photography, soap making or anything you want.

This acts like a carrot on a stick. You anticipate doing your hobby with great pleasure. You replace the negativity by feel good hormones. Your battle becomes a distant memory.

Just ensure that injury is minimized for the physical activities otherwise this could set you back more than when you first started out.

Step 6          Travel

Travelling to different places in the world is great. But you can be a local tourist too and still glean lots of benefits. I am sure you do not know everything about your location and may never have been to all the nooks and crannies in your country.

If you cannot physically travel to your destination, then do so virtually. The internet is a great place to travel. You can see the beauty of new places and learn about different traditions, locations, people and cultures, all at the reduced price of your internet provider!

There is safety too in not physically going. You are certain not to slip close by the Niagara Falls or to be confronted by gangs in such areas.

Step 7             Reflect

This is such a powerful tool. It is a pity that more persons do not make use of it. This is not just rehashing or rehearsing. This is deeper.

Reflection involves a careful examination of events in your life on a particular day or time. You think about what happened, how it made you feel, why you felt or responded in a certain way and what you can do to improve how you reacted or what lesson was learnt.

This is not for the faint-hearted and requires some practice and guidance initially. Continued use of this technique can bring about great results.

There we have it – seven steps for life long learning that are simple and, in some cases, fun to implement: engage in activities; take up a challenge; learn a new skill; do a short course; adopt a new hobby; travel; reflect.

Remember this list is not exhaustive. There are other ways, these are just seven of those ways.

What have you done lately to pursue the path of continuous learning?

 

 

10 (+1) Key Steps for Pushing Past the Pain

What is Pain? More precisely, what is emotional pain?

The image above shows the pathway for how we perceive physical pain. The pathway for emotional pain is different but can produce equally or even greater effects, including physical effects.

How then do we define something so intangible yet so real and so harsh as emotional pain?

Just like me, I am sure you too have had numerous painful experiences. Some are much easier to get over than others. Some just have to be worked out of the system over time. Regardless, there are steps that we all can take to help us push past the pain when it feels like it will never subside.

To get back to the definition of this “pain”, I think it is best to define it by example.

A few days ago, I lost my best friend. I felt as though the external atmospheric pressure had suddenly shot up so high that all the air was forced out of my body! How could I move, eat, talk, laugh, go out or even think anymore?

A void that seemed to be abysmal was created by this loss.

This is what “pain” is: that hollowness; the emptiness; the dull,constant ache; the ennui; all this and much more is what makes up the pain.

When the proverbial rug was pulled out from under me five and a half years ago, I felt that pain like I had never felt it before. I lost almost everything that I had for the first forty seven years of my life. Thankfully I still had my son, my mother and my brothers.

My life was shattered. My face was shattered. My career path was shattered. My emotional reference points were shattered. I was at a loss.

Many persons, including my relatives and friends (and perhaps even me) felt that was the end of my life. And it was. It was the end of the first part of my life.

It was also the beginning of my second chance at life.

Slowly, the “pain” was used to push forward. Step by baby step. Systematically I dragged myself out of the pit of despair.

The physical damage was done. What God had made and man had tried to destroy, no man could remake as He had done. I had to grow to accept this new me. The acceptance came as gradual changes took place, both in my appearance and in my thinking.

The financial damage was staggering for a divorced mother of one, with both a home mortgage  and vehicle loan to repay and savings diverted to reconstructive and plastic surgery. All this compounded by no more steady salary from teaching in a public school as I had been called before the medical board and accepted retirement on medical grounds. I am still in the process of overcoming this obstacle but it is getting easier day by day.

Then there was the big one. The emotional hurdles that could pose a challenge for even the best “Olympian”. The hardest part for me was to put on a bright face for everyone around me. They seemed less able to accept what had happened than I was. I could not let them be hurt further by seeing my own hurt and pain.

How could I explain to anyone the confusion in my mind? I no longer knew who I was. Prior to the incident, if anyone asked, “Who is Caron Asgarali?” I think I could have answered. I might have said that she is a teacher, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a runner…But now, I was unsure.

I questioned if I really even knew who I was before. Everything that was real now seemed unreal. I felt that there was nothing I could do and no one to whom I could turn (except my God).

I felt unworthy. Unworthy to be around people and for them to want to be around me. I felt defeated and insecure; incapable of doing anything. I wanted to not be anymore. And, I could not verbalize it to anyone.

There were no thoughts of suicide. I had come to understand that it was not yet my time, so I had to wait.

Within that waiting, in the midst of all that darkness, far away in the distance, was a hint of light. Very dim light but light nonetheless.

I searched out that light and kept it in my focus like an overboard passenger holding on to the remnant of a Styrofoam container that now pollutes the oceans; holding on to stay afloat.

Out of that darkness I was slowly drawn. Picking up the pieces of my life, putting each delicate piece back into its slightly distorted space, to move closer to the clearing, out of the darkness.

In retrospect, there were some key elements that helped me to push past that pain and begin an upward spiral to the second phase of my life – a phase that seems to have more meaning, greater focus and more gratification at the very least.

This phase is trademarked by turbulent economic, moral and spiritual times. The blood of our countrymen, whatever is our country, seeps unceremoniously into news feeds, blog posts, Twitter and Instagram.

Values and morals, respect for life, compassion, empathy, consideration, forgiveness, mercy, love and peace are foreign concepts for many of the younger generation.

Our people seem to be unable to push past pain and thrive successfully and harmoniously. From my perspective, it seems to be each man (and woman) for himself (herself).

Fortunately, my life lessons have taught me that where there is hurt, there is always hope and that we can learn to transform that hurt into hope.

No matter who you are,  what your background is, what you have done or where you have been, the pain that you are feeling, the pain that is holding you back from achieving your best life yet, from fulfilling your purpose, that very pain is what you can use to help propel you forward.

It is not going to be easy but there is a systematic way in which it can be done to help with the process of stepping on your pain to get to a better place.

I used the process and it helped me to publish three books since the incident, to begin promoting peace and to run my first half marathon! (that is not me in the picture!)

I will share the steps I followed and still do follow after every setback. I grouped them into four categories. There are 10 (+1) steps in the four categories. The +1 came about as an afterthought when I was doing that +1 step! Funny to me as it would be for you, if I was saying it out loud to you!

Here goes:

The four categories are:

1. Emote (steps 1-3)
2. Stay Afloat (steps 4 and 5)
3. Devote (steps 6-8)
4. Promote (steps 9 and 10)

Step 11 or 10(+1) applies to all four categories.

The 10 (+1) steps for pushing past the pain are:

1. Goal setting
2. Acceptance
3. Minute by Minute living
4. Exercise and well being
5. Support
6. Honor God
7. I after you (humility)
8. Forgiveness
9. Training the brain
10. Embrace giving

10 (+1). Reflection

Put them all together they spell GAMESHIFTER! Appropriate is it not?

The system is elegant yet simple, familiar and very powerful. Shift your game for success. Not gamechanger. That implies a sudden and drastic transformation that requires little or no effort.

GAMESHIFTER however implies slow, manageable effort in a methodical manner that brings about lasting, meaningful change.

If you feel like you are surviving instead of striving then the practices and action steps that I use in the GAMESHIFTER can help you.

Take a look at my book, Bounce Back Better 10 (+1) Key Steps for Building Resilience, see if you think you can relate to it as a sister, a mother, a daughter, an employee, an entrepreneur or someone who has lost a best friend. Let me know in the comments if you can.

 

 

The Power Within

I remember speaking at a meeting organised by the Association of Female Executives of Trinidad and Tobago a few years ago. At that meeting, the energy was palpable!

In the presence of so many independent women, women of intellect and influence, I was elated to be sharing with them. Being with them reminded me that the driving force behind meaningful transformation has always been an intricately woven matrix created by the coming together of women of varying ages, attributes and actions.

Women can choose to be supportive of each other or they can choose to bring down other women.

Repeatedly, history has shown that women who build up others have so much more influence than those who seek to destroy.

We have the power to transform nothing into something. We can guide others to paths of success. We hold the necessary keys to destabilize negativity and lead people through our positive energy.

Women exude love, if they want to, if they choose to, if they know what it is because they love God and themselves.

After a lifetime of trials and challenges, I have learnt to love myself as I am. I recognize my faults and work at my strengths.

I know that I cannot be everything to everyone and that no matter what I do, there will be others who choose not to like my actions or what they perceive to be my actions.

However, there are many women, even professional women, who are doing well enough but, who know within themselves that they are capable of so much more.

Somehow it is not always clear exactly what has to be done to move from one level to another, either in  your professional life or in your personal life.

Sometimes it happens by chance; sometimes it happens just because you have been at it for a long time.

Sometimes it happens as a result of committed, focused and intentional work, not looking for anything but to make a vision a reality.

There is a method for turning visions into reality and it requires some knowledge, some sweat, faith and a little good luck.

For me that method became clear when I was recovering from one of the major challenges in my life. I had struck ground zero. I had to re-define every aspect of my life.

By steadfastly holding on to a vision of a brighter future, by knowing what I wanted out of the rest of my life, by discovering my purpose and then focusing efforts in that direction while maintaining a degree of practicality and engaging in some calculated risk, I was able to transition from a very dark place into a brighter space and time.

The GAMESHIFTER, a system I realized, only in hindsight, that I used, provides some valuable steps for helping anyone who feels stuck or who is having a hard time getting over a life hurdle.

What is significant is the emphasis placed on faith. Faith is the central pillar of the GAMESHIFTER.

Some of the great scientific minds in history have accepted that there is a greater force, a higher being. Even Albert Einstein.

Faith is intangible but with it anything is possible. Faith does not preach religion. It is a simple of act of trusting that there is a God that cares about you and that needs you to love Him, to love yourself and to love others.

A person with a weapon feels powerful but a person armed with love for humanity is  dynamic and potent, capable of transforming rather than destroying.

Are you poised to make a powerful transformation in your life? Do you know how to move out of that place in which you have been stuck for a while?

Are you ready to take a leap of faith and use proven steps to help you out of your zone?

Leave a comment and share with me what you think is keeping you back from experiencing your greatest life yet!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bounce Back Better: Build Social Networks

Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and other social networking sites have large followings. This is a reflection of the basic need of human beings for love and fellowship as well as the need to feel as part of something bigger than ourselves.

We are social creatures. We need each other, to form strong bonds. We need the safety net of social support systems when other areas of our lives come crashing down.

Several years ago a home was burnt to ashes, leaving the family with no possessions. All clothing, food, school supplies, appliances and everything else in the house were destroyed.

There was an outpouring of love from a variety of persons. This love was practical, consisting of donations of food and other supplies. It came from other relatives, community members, friends and well-wishers, their children’s school fraternities, local government representatives and churches.

The family had all the support they needed to survive, eventually re-build a home and to carry on with life in a relatively short time. The ability of that family to withstand and overcome their adverse situation was greatly enhanced by their external support systems.

Similarly, when natural disasters strike, nations come together to assist those undergoing the misfortune. When Haiti and the Dominican Republic were hit by separate hurricanes some years ago, the Government and people of the Republic of Trinidad and Tobago graciously and generously assisted them.

The point is that we do not exist in isolation. We need to support each other and we need support from others to survive and thrive.

By working and playing together, our bodies produce hormones such as dopamine and serotonin that promote feelings of well being.

Supportive networks help us differentiate between what is and is not important.

Through our interactions with diverse people, we learn and improve skills that help us stay afloat during difficult times.

Just as we are advised to back up our computer systems, we need to build relationships as our human back-up systems  when tragedy strikes.

Tell me, do you have a strong support network?

6 Ways to Feel Great, Even When Things Are Not So Great.

We all have good days and bad. Some of us spend many hours lost in the mental haze of sadness, exclusion and depression.

At critical points in our lives, we experience the heartache of a breakup, loss of a loved one, loss of a house or car or job.

It may even be that we become terminally ill or have a chronic disease or become seriously injured through an accident or crime.

Yet some people seem to be energized whether things are going good or bad. How do they do it?

Apparently apart from adopting a positive attitude, there are ways that we can ensure we feel good although our situation may not be good.

I have found this works for me (when I do follow it). Sometimes though it is easy to lapse into laziness or complacency and not practice the steps diligently. This takes away from the feeling of being on top of the world in spite of all that may be going wrong in your corner.

1. Eating properly

Most of us know in theory what types of foods our bodies need. The question is how many of us actually take our high school nutritional education into account when eating?

We all need to eat from the following main food groups – fresh fruits and vegetables; fish, meat products and eggs or soy products for vegans; peas and beans;  whole grain or high fiber cereals; ground provisions; and milk and milk products or substitutes.

Of importance, is the need for us to blend our foods in the correct proportions for optimum uptake of nutrients for cellular requirements.

 

2.  Supplementing your diet

Over the many years of farming agricultural land, soils have become severely depleted.

So the fresh foods available to us in these times are in many instances, highly fertilized and treated with herbicides, pesticides and other potentially toxic chemicals.

Our so called fresh foods are lacking in key and trace nutrients. To be proactive and take responsibility for your nutritional health, consider supplementing your diet.

Dietary supplements include:

• vitamins
• minerals
• herbals and botanicals which provide phytonutrients
• amino acids
• enzymes.

Important questions to consider when supplementing would include, what to take, when to take it, in what combinations should supplements be taken and the use of water rather than other liquids for consuming them.

3.  Hydrating

Many of us, I know I do, forget to drink sufficient water during the course of the day. Our bodies are made up mostly of water. So it is vital that we drink water to replace what is lost through perspiration or excretion for example.

But not only water is lost during these processes. Electrolytes are those vital chemicals needed for proper functioning of our heart, kidneys, nervous and muscular systems among other functions. These electrolytes are soluble in water. This means that when we lose water from the body, we lose electrolytes.

It is vital for us to replace the electrolytes as well as the water.

When hydrating the body, we need to drink lots of water as well as electrolytes. An extremely good isotonic drink or good natural source of electrolytes is coconut water.

4.  Fasting occasionally

Eating and drinking are critical for life. However sometimes the body becomes overworked and overloaded.

 

To compensate for these times, controlled fasting is necessary. Fasting times help eliminate toxins and gives the body time to recover after periods of “abuse”.

5.  Sufficient rest and sleep

We live in times where we never seem to have enough  time to do the things we feel we have to do. This leads to sacrificing our sleep time to complete tasks, watch television, catch up on social media or meet deadlines.

But, our bodies are like machines. They need to be cared for like we look after our cars or computers. One of the ways to keep the machinery well oiled for us is to get sufficient rest and proper sleep.

Different people have different sleep needs. Determine your optimum amount and strive to attain that everyday.

6.  Exercise

Finally, having eaten, supplemented, drank, fasted and rested properly, we need to exercise.

Exercise produces “feel good” hormones. It eliminates toxins. It tones our muscles and increases our energy levels. It may also be a time for socialization or reflection.

Exercise should include cardiovascular activities, resistance training and flexibility training.

Of course if you are over forty, like I am, consult a professional before beginning a new programme of exercise.

For more information on these steps, you may read Chapter 4 in my book, Bounce Back Better, 10+1 Key Steps for Building Resilience.

Let me know if you feel great even when you are not so great.

Peace in Turbulent Times

How do we move past the deep wounds of our turbulent times?

How does one deal with sometimes multiple hurts and misfortunes, that accentuate the unfairness of life and circumstances?

How does a mother or father, a sister or brother, a son or daughter find it somewhere in the heart, the mind, the soul, to get to a point of peace after one or more grievances?

When you have been dealt with the murder of a loved one, or the ravaging of your personal belongings or person by attackers and if at the same time, you lose your job or have other financial or health challenges, it becomes difficult to believe in the concept of peace and hope.

I have had to deal with multiple losses after a difficult time in my own life. My challenges were not greater or lesser than anybody else’s. They were my unique combination of trials, designed to shape or re-shape my thinking, my approach to life and my destiny.

It can be easy to lose your way and to stay forever lost. To miss out on the blessings and joys that are further along in your journey because you become stuck in the mire of hurt, pain and a lack of forgiveness.

The truth is that for a while remaining in that dark, messy and confusing place filled with anger and frustration is sometimes the best thing to do…providing that doing so supplies the fuel that is needed to create the driving force to pull yourself out of the downward force of negativity.

If you can come to the point of becoming an alchemist of sorts, turning the negative into shining positivity, then you would have found a peace and hope that becomes a beacon for others who have yet to meet their customised difficulties.

Of course bear in mind that good and bad circumstances in life are juxtaposed for greater appreciation of one over the other. This simply means that we should always be alert that life can bring unexpected good or bad.

So currently in our beloved country of Trinidad and Tobago, there seems to be a negative cloud of darkness overtaking our people. It seems that there can be no hope. It seems that at every turn there is violence, hatred, racialism, killing and destruction. Peace, love and forgiveness have become difficult concepts to grasp.

How can you tell a mother whose only son is brutally murdered that peace will come? How does she relate to forgiving the beasts in human form that committed that criminal act, forever changing the landscape of her life?

You don’t. At least not now. Not right away. She needs time to process. Time to digest and time to come to some form of understanding. The rest of us need to give her the gift of time to come to terms with what has happened. That time can only be determined by her but we will know when she is ready. She will let us know.

In the meantime, we must not allow ourselves to become like the very beasts we wish had never existed. What in their own lives must have molded them into the creatures of destruction that have manifested?

Martin Luther King Jr. and others have postulated that violence breeds violence. True words that are easy to overlook when faced with the harsh realities of murder, rape, kidnapping and other criminal acts.

But we are embarking on an even darker journey if we give in to our base desires for revenge. Violence by “peaceful” men only sends the wrong message to impressionable minds. We must find a peace through doing good not through destroying others, good or bad.

I am not suggesting that you forget the bad but that a way is found to propagate good in the face of evil. Will you stop planting roses or peas because the field is currently overgrown with weeds?

Or will you try to plant the roses or peas in an effort to replace the weeds with the crop?

Maybe not the best comparison but the idea is that peace and goodwill must not be abandoned in the face of seemingly unending negativity.

This morning let us reaffirm our faith in a greater good. Let us pray for a spirit of peace to overcome us all in spite of all the darkness surrounding us.

As we do this, reach out to others in peace and love.

Five ways that we can maintain equilibrium in devastating circumstances:

1. Allow yourself to experience any feeling to its fullest. Allow yourself to grieve in your own way, at your own time.
2. Live by the moment. Experience each moment for what it is or what it brings.
3. Grow into acceptance of what has happened. Not an easy task but a realistic one.
4. Slowly in your time, reset goals and action plans, short term initially until you get to the point of being able to think in longer time frames.
5. Get enough rest, nutrition, exercise and hydration. Do not neglect your physical needs. You need to be strong physically so that your body does not collapse inwardly under stress.

Focusing on these five objectives helps to deflect thoughts onto positive pathways, bringing peace where there was only strife, frustration and hurt previously.

Let me know how you dealt with your particular situation or share with me the pain you may be undergoing that seems insurmountable.

Yours in faith, peace and education, my friend.

Bounce Back Better

 

Are you at a crossroad in your life? Have you experienced the loss of a loved one or the loss of your job? Did you just go through a defining moment in your life such as a major ill health diagnosis, an accident  or trauma due to a violent attack?

Maybe you are feeling burnt out at work or have a sense of restlessness, like there is something missing.

If you are overwhelmed with uncertainty about the future or if a friend or loved one seems to be feeling like this, then my new book, Bounce Back Better is for you!

This book is highly recommended by Trinidadian educator and education consultant, Raymond S. Hackett. Here is what Mr. Hackett had to say about the book in his foreword:

As an educator for the past five decades and three years, I cannot honestly admit that I have read a book more comprehensive than and relevant to the times as Bounce Back Better 10 (+ 1) Key Steps for Building Resilience.  Inspired by the message and advice which characterise this book, I look forward to an outcome which will cause the general public, magistrates, judges, lawyers, members of the Lower House and the Senate of our Parliament, policemen, doctors, nurses, social workers, probation officers, teachers, particularly secondary school students above Forms One and Two, guidance officers, clinical psychologists, and last but not least advocates of Restorative Justice to read this third book which Caron Asgarali has written. Without doubt, it is prescribed reading for all.

Click on the link below to get your copy of Bounce Back Better, 10 (+1) Key Steps for Building Resilience.

https://www.amazon.com/Bounce-Back-Better-Caron-Asgarali/dp/1504368568

Let me know if you think you need a book like this right now in your life, in the comments below.

 

A Different Approach to a Book Launch

My third book has been out since December 2016. I have not done, planned nor have I thought about planning a book launch.

This time around things are different. My book is about resilience. The title is “Bounce Back Better 10(+1) Key Steps for Building Resilience.”

It is a follow through from my first book “From Lion to Lamb A Spiritual Journey”.

The first is a memoir based on the incident that changed the course of my life through a severe injury. The third is a self-help book for anyone who has undergone some kind of difficulty and needs encouragement to move forward from that setback.

Both books have come after one act of gun violence. The theme for both books is the same, peacemaking not peace breaking.

Thus after the first book launch which was steeped in formality, planning and structure, I have decided to try a different approach with this third book.

I have put the word out on Facebook that my new book is available. I have my FB page linked to my Balboa Press website. The book is also on Amazon.

In keeping with the theme of the book, I organised an event to launch another of my projects, RARE.

RARE refers to Raising Awareness on the Ripple Effect of gun violence. RARE seeks to raise awareness on the physical, emotional, financial and spiritual effects of of one act of gun violence on the victim as well as those directly and indirectly connected with the victim.

On a deeper level, RARE promotes peacemaking and resilience building.

The launch included four different speakers for each aspect of gun violence. I spoke to pull all aspects together. I did not directly pitch my books but showed the connections between the books and the work being done.

At the event I had all three of my books on display and available for sale. Attendees received a prayer card with one of the prayers from my second book, Gently Powerful Personal Prayers for Collective Grace. Lots of refreshments were available.

 

Critical in this event was:

1. Ensuring that everyone was clear on their role in the programme.
2. Having my thoughts well organised before the event day, so that on the day, regardless of any physical setbacks,I was able to clearly communicate to the attendees the purpose of the event.
3. Having people to handle the distribution of the prayer cards, the sale of the books, the thank you cards and the refreshments. Special thanks to my family and friends.
4. Sending out much more invitations than the estimated amount of guests.
5. Having an outline or programme of event so that the evening flowed smoothly.
6. Outsourcing the refreshments. I already had enough to do without having to worry about preparing refreshments.
7. Having a good, experienced host for the evening, who was able to hold the fort and bring harmony among the speakers.

There is more but I will leave that for another post.

So a book can be promoted without directly promoting it in a classy way (not that I think I am classy).

Feel free to ask me anything about launching your book.